so another week or so passed.. i guess i'm feeling better, at least at the moment. i'm trying not to crave his attention, and, well, practice makes... better.

it's not that i'm trying to impress or live up to other people. i'm trying to become what i want myself to be, i'm being very true to myself in fact, but my impression of success is seriously flawed. i'm slowly trying to forget about marks, not give up on them completely [i still want to go to university] but to stop using them as a way of measuring myself. now i'm searching for for some other criterium. [criteria? i donno..]

this is such a fast time in my life, a time when i sometimes change my opinion, even my whole belief system within couple of hours. i used to be scared of expressing myself because i knew i would hate my old opinions and ideas, but now i think that is the point. now is the time to live fast, to shape my ideals, not when it'll take me twenty years to realize a mistake. i have to make the mistakes now, and realize them five minutes later. the only thing left is to learn how to laugh at them, and correct them.

if i accept the fact that there are times when i don't accept myself, i can live with at least a little bit of inner peace.
and once the conflict of man against himself is solved, i can move on fighting the numb ignorance of the society for what i believe in.

hopefully it won't be long.

and hopefully by that time i'll know what i'm fighting for.
[well i'm wearing a shirt that says 'tibet wil be free' right now.. i'm sure i have an idea..]